the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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