We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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