the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
