Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
