the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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