flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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