I love black thongs
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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