my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize