so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
