JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Vodka?
Forever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
