why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
