Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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