i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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