I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
