I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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