I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They are going to name an STD after you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
