What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
