i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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