i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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