VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
