Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
