i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
