I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she smelled like a LAN party
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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