So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
