I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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