But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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