I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
