all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
