we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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