This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
