My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
