You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
