Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
