Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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