Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
