I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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