So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
