I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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