I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
