Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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