The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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