Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
