he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize