My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
