How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
