He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
