when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I look better un-naked...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
