just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
