New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
