yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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