Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
