70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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