it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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