I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
