i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
