there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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