I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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