my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
