So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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