im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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