she looked like the before picture.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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