There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he puts the penis in happiness.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
