I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
