if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
