I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
