God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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