So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
