Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize