god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
