Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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