Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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