I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
