based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
