You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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