I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
