I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize