i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
