woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
