She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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