don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
