I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
