Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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