aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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