I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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