K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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