I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize