If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
