If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would fuck him just for his dog
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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