Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
