you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
