we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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