He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
