i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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