I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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