I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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