wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
