So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
