i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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