I could have mohawked her pubes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
