Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
